There’s a recent groundswell in anti-phone menu tree vocalization. For some reason, it has become popular to expect that a human immediately answer the phone and immediately answer every question asked. Like these people, I dream of a Utopian world in which everyone at every company can answer every question I ever ask. Unlike these people, I am not arrogant enough to demand the absurd investment in the huge amount of logistical expenditures required to make this wish come true merely so I don’t have to endure the agony of pressing a whopping three buttons on my phone in order to be routed to the right person.

But Andrew, I hear those rationalizing their impatience say, after I expend nearly one-third of a calorie to push a number key three times, I still don’t always get a person who can answer my question every time. Yes my self-righteous darlings, you are correct. Much as the negative cost-benefit Utopia of all-knowing customer service reps is an unreasonable expectation, the expectation that any customer system is perfect is also unreasonable.

Phone menu trees make sense. Phone menu trees help reduce the cost of services. The phone menu trees at some companies are poorly executed. However, while Don Quixote may grant you the Customer Service Advocate Champion Award for fighting their use, you are proving nothing to us other than your own self-importance.