Shortcut: If you don’t think sincere evaluation of narcissism’s meaning is important enough for you to invest time examining, don’t use the word.

The word ‘narcissism’ is nefarious. It is a weapon in a similar vein as the word ‘racism’. It is the same in that it is essentially an epithetical hit-and-run weapon to which there is really no defense. I say it’s only similar because, when used accurately and not as a weapon, the concept of racism is as bad as the word suggests. In this regard narcissism is the opposite. Even if we were to use it in non-weapon-grade form, it is almost always used hyperbolically or in place of milder, more accurate words.

Why should we care?

Narcissism is batted around constantly to decry the value of blogs, twitter, social media, and pretty much everything else without the critic having to do any real analysis. These things are de facto outlets for our thoughts. Pelting people with stifling negative accusations amounts to socially influenced censorship. Whether it prevents someone from participating in them altogether or merely colors the voice or any other aspect of writers, it’s a bad thing.

The Unbearable Lightness of Meaning

Narcissism is generally used to mean: fascination with oneself; self-love; vanity. Before moving on, think about that. When you think of the literal definition of narcissism, does the italicized description above accurately describe it? I admit that much of my point depends on answering yes to that, but even if you answer no, there’s still some value here. When I first look at that definition, it does hold some negative connotations because of the repetitive ’self’ aspect. However, when I make myself consciously aware of the social conditioning attached to the word self and analyze it again, the opposite happens. Fascination with oneself is fundamentally positive. It’s laudable! Self-love is also a very healthy positive emotion. Don’t get puritanical on me and try to use it as a euphemism for masturbation. I don’t want to have to spend the rest of this article convincing you that masturbation is a good thing. Okay, vanity goes a little farther than the first two, but I’m not convinced that vanity is a great evil. The Bible makes it out to be way worse than a psychologist would. All in all, we have two overwhelmingly positive emotions tempered by one questionably negative emotion. That’s not so bad. Now remember… We’re trying to compare what you think about the definition to the dictionary definition.

The actual definition of narcissism is very similar, but i left out two important words. The full dictionary definition is: inordinate fascination with oneself; excessive self-love; vanity. Adding inordinate and excessive makes it semantically negative on balance. It precludes us from considering a healthy level of fascination with oneself or a healthy level of vanity.

But I Don’t Believe In Mythology

Have you heard the phrase “the map is not the territory”? It’s invoked as an analogy for multiple purposes. One of its uses is to illustrate the point that maps are never able to provide as much detail as reality. This is a problem because humans tend to make assumptions about missing details. This tendency is pronounced even when we’re aware that we’re only looking at a map, but it’s much worse without that knowledge.

So when I tell you that the map is not the territory in reference to narcissism, you will be tempted to assume that you’re missing some details. Yield to the temptation and rest assured that your assumption is rooted firmly in reality. However, in this case, we have another problem. The map simultaneously has too little information and introduces information not present in the literal meaning of narcissism. We have a map that is overly detailed… with misinformation.

The misinformation in this case is the mythology. How much emotion and feeling did you get a few paragraphs back when I recited the “clinical” definition of narcissism? Now.. the story of Narcissus involves a quest for revenge by an unrequited lover who doesn’t get what he wants from Narcissus and commits suicide because his own emotional needs aren’t met by him. As hes dying from self-inflicted wounds, he prays to the gods to teach Narcissus a lesson which leads to Nemesis tricking Narcissus into spending his life staring at his own reflection in a pool of water until he too commits suicide. How much more powerful is the story than the definition?

In the snippet version of the Narcissus mythology, there are a lot of very important details missing. It is in fact the other guy, not Narcissus who is the most selfish. He doesn’t get what he wants so he whines and orchestrates the gods ruining Narcissus’ life because of his own issues. In contemplation for the sadness of the situation and his own repentance, Narcissus sacrifices himself in a misguided act of martyrdom.

But who cares that the gross oversimplifications that Narcissus was merely self-absorbed to the extent of ignoring everything else completely changes the meaning? Who cares that he wasn’t even the most selfish person in the story? Who cares that implying that people expressing their thoughts and sharing them with everyone is the same as staring into a pool to the point of excluding all input and output is patently absurd?

For the part of the story that Narcissus gets his bad rap, he contributes nothing and considers nothing. Expressing oneself through writing can never be paralleled to the Narcissus myth because it is a contribution whether the contribution is appreciated or not. This difference is devastatingly significant and cannot be overstated. Factor in that nearly everyone who writes anything is exposing themselves to input from others and the inanity of the comparison is amplified.

Beware the critic who accuses someone… anyone else of being narcissistic. According to the story, that person has a gaping hole in their psychology and would rather mess up your life so bad that you commit suicide than deal with their own shortcomings.

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